Pregnancy
after Loss….
After losing a pregnancy, or more than one, getting that positive test can be less exciting and filled mostly of anxiety and questions….
What will I have to do to keep this baby alive?
When and who should I tell?
What if this baby dies, too?
Truth is, you don’t know if this baby will live… and that “unknown end” is scary and haunting.
You’re scared to celebrate. Scared to get excited. Scared to get attached. Scared to buy a baby item. Nervous at every single appointment and ultrasound.
It’s true that something can happen at any time, which doesn't help ease the anxiety. After a loss, you never truly feel like you’re in a “safe zone.” At first, you feel safe once you’ve passed the point you lost the other baby, or you’re in the second trimester… then 20 weeks… then 24 weeks… and so on… but truly, anything can happen at any time… there are stories everywhere of heartbreak happening at every stage of gestation. And that sucks, and makes you never actually feel safe.
A hard truth to accept is that as much as we want to believe that God will keep this baby safe this time, that might not be part of His perfect plan. (And those of us who have had multiple losses know that.) He, of course, has the capability and power to keep this baby alive, but we don’t know His plan, which is always perfect and trustworthy, no matter how gut-wrenching it feels in the moment. He created our baby, and we must surrender it’s entire life into His loving care.
This is when we have to learn to simply TRUST the Lord, which is way easier said than done. That might even mean avoiding some of the things that you think will give you peace of mind… because if something is off is can send your anxiety through the roof. (for example, I stopped checking my BBT the day I found out I was pregnant, knowing a lower temp one day would worry me all day) Our mindset has to shift to “No matter what- God is good and can be trusted.” We have to learn to pray, and truly mean, “I trust you Lord, no matter the outcome. Your plan is perfect.”
We also have to learn to celebrate every moment… be present… soak in every moment you carry this beautiful life, no matter how long that will be. Every life is precious, and we must celebrate each life God creates. For me, this meant not being too worried about telling select people early on… because it validated that baby’s existence, and gave me people to pray for us and someone to talk to.
Walk in faith, not your feelings. Have more faith than fear. Speak of your Father instead of your fear. Replace worry with the Word.
No matter what we have to go through this pregnancy, as much as some of the things may suck (like being on progesterone suppositories for 14 weeks…), we have to remember that it will all be worth it to have that precious baby in our arms! If you’re doing all you can to keep that baby healthy, than truly the only other option you have is to trust the Lord with the rest that you can’t control!
Sometimes, though, Satan tries to make us replay the trauma of our past so that we fear the future and feel hopeless… just waiting for something else to go wrong. (Trust me, I experienced this almost my entire pregnancy) A couple things that helped me prayerfully fight the devil’s reminder of the trauma of my past and remember the goodness of God even in those situations was using Trauma Life essential oil, and verses such as Isaiah 43:18-19 which says, “18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
Having trouble trusting? You’re not alone…
Fill your heart with Scripture and song that you can lean on anytime you’re fearing and doubting.
Here’s a list of some of my favorite Scripture, songs, quotes, and other resources that have helped me feel less alone and a little more brave during this pregnancy after 2 losses…
Courageously Expecting - every word was EXACTLY how I was feeling. This book helped me feel less alone, and made my thoughts feel heard and validated.
This podcast led me to that book ^^ and was also super encouraging.
Isaiah 26:3- “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”
“If He brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.”
I had heard this quote before, but I actually found it on a ring at JCPenney and knew I needed it. I’ve worn it almost every day since then and it’s a daily reminder that whatever the Lord has for me today, He will get me through it, just like He’s faithfully helped me through every other hard situation in my life.
“You Are Always, Only Good”- a song that played in my mind constantly, reminding me that His plan is ONLY for our good, and His glory
Essential oils with emotional support can help you prayerfully get through the tough days… Here’s a list of the ones I used throughout my pregnancy…
Surrender
Believe
Valor
Joy
Acceptance
CBD Calm Roller
Isaiah 41:13- “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”
Philippians 1:20- “According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death”
“I Will Fear No More”- I actually printed the lyrics to this song and have them on our fridge
“But if Not”- the lyrics to this song, specifically the chorus, repeated in my mind often
Also similarly, “Even If” is a great song to keep on replay. Remember that EVEN IF… God is still good and you are still blessed!
I hope you have found something encouraging here today. If you’re currently pregnant after a loss, I SEE YOU. You’re not alone, and I am praying for you, mama! Find peace in knowing God is good, and know that you will probably have to DAILY remind yourself of that fact.
If you have had a pregnancy after loss and have wisdom or resources to share, please comment below! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for being here <3
All my love and prayers,
Autumn